Author: littlepet

(Well, not really, but kinda.)

Today, a man came into the store. Not just any man, this man was tall, handsome, and I’m almost certain we share a ridiculous amount of common interests.

His personality was down to earth, sweet, and funny all rolled into one. He was basically everything I’d look for in a man.

Except, twenty years too old. But for him, I kinda think I’d make an exception. Well, except for that and the fact that he’s probably married. (Judging by the ring on his finger.)

In any event, assuming he doesn’t do a switch up when he gets home, his wife is a lucky woman. May she always keep him happy.

Today, I baked.

That may seem like some small feat, however, there are a couple things to consider: 1) I love to bake; and 2) I haven’t baked in years.

The reason for number two is simply that I haven’t had anyone for whom to bake. You see, I’m not the type of person who bakes so I’ll have some tasty treat to eat. Nope. I’m the type of person who bakes for the joy of it, and the added joy of sharing it with someone else.

But, now I have coworkers. They’re the perfect guinea pigs for all my confectionary delights. And it makes my heart sing. While I was whipping and mixing and measuring, I allowed myself to relax–and I mean really relax–which is something I hadn’t done in months (maybe even years) and I’m ever so grateful for it.

Here’s to more baking in the near future.

You’re an asshole when you come into the store 10 minutes before close, browse until 10 minutes after close, and then demand coupons and other discounts when you’re checking out.

Oh, and because you wanted to save that extra 15% and apply for the shopping card, it doesn’t entitle you to behave like an asshat when the purchase is applied to that card instead of the card you wanted to pay with, especially when you were told this little tidbit three times before you actually applied.

Finally, it’s not polite to passive-aggressively insult the person who’s doing her best to assist you while navigating through your asshattery. It just makes you look like a cheap bastard.

Thank you.

Well, although there are still some niggling apprehensions about my recent purchase, I am warming up to the idea. Although there are things about it that will require some acclimation, I do find it a lot quicker than my old netbook. A lot.

Because of its spryness, I don’t dread doing anything computer related during the day. Before, if I needed to write something that required a larger screen than my smartphone, I’d have to deal with the tablet–which has its own flaky issues and is better suited for leisurely movie-viewing–or my netbook which would literally take a full 5 minutes to load Gmail or anything Google related or trek all the way to my office to use the desktop machine. (I still need the desktop machine for some tasks such as photo, video, or music editing, but for the smaller tasks that just require a few words, this is just fine.)

I’m crossing my fingers, saying a prayer, and hoping that this purchase will work out for the best. All components because I also have an expansion storage card on the way which has wildly mixed reviews as well.

If there is a higher power out there somewhere, please don’t let me down.

Random tangent: I’m perplexed and a little bit giddy that I received two unexpected checks in the mail a couple days ago. They were out of the blue and while not an earth-shattering amount of money, it was a healthy chunk of change–enough to cover a third the cost of my new acquisition. Let’s hope for more unexpected goodies from the Universe dropping in. Maybe meditation does work.

I splurged and purchased a new mini laptop. It was a spur of the moment decision (though I did put some thought into it) and now I’m battling the buyer’s remorse.

It wasn’t terribly expensive, but I do have to finish paying off My Rich Uncle over the next 6 months and I’m also saving up to make a major purchase within the next year. In other words, I really don’t have extra cash to burn at the moment. But I’m trying to stay positive.

It’s something I knew I needed because my aging netbook was, well, aging. It had become so slow that I was pulling out my hair every time I loaded up a program. Plus, my aging table was also, well, aging. It wasn’t nearly as bad as the netbook, but doing some of the work I’d prefer to do would require a little more functionality than it could comfortably provide.

So far, I don’t hate my decision, but I’m also hoping I don’t regret it later either. In fact, it set me back several steps and it’s not exactly a well known or reputable brand. And the further I dug into the company the more uneasy my stomach became.

Right now everything seems to be running smoothly (and, truth be told, had I not done all that research after hitting the purchase button I probably would have been relatively pleased with this purchase), but I’m worried that two or three months down the line this thing will give up the ghost and I’ll be shit outta luck because everything I’ve read and seen says this company doesn’t really stand behind its products and it will be well outside of the return period.

Guess this means I’ll just need to wait and see.

My life ended up so fucked.

OK. It’s not totally fucked, but I’m nowhere near where I envisioned myself being at this age. Not even within the same relative vicinity.

To make things a little bit worse, I logged into Facebook after being off of it for little more than a year only to see the happiness and success of everyone from my distant past.

Not that I’m mad at them or their success (a portion of me, deep down somewhere, is actually elated for them), but I wonder what happened to my own success. It feels as though my life has been one sad series of struggles from one moment to the next.

Where is my “this time last year I thought my life was over and was about to throw myself over a cliff, but between then and now, miracles and manifestations happened and now I’m living the dream” moment? Can life really change so vastly in only a year?

Of course it can. I know that. I guess, for me, what I’m wondering is why my own hasn’t. Maybe I’m not taking the necessary steps, despite thinking I am. I work hard, try to save hard (except the tax man and our slowly dying government aren’t really helping), and have been working on my personal self improvement. But…stagnation.

And as each day passes, it feels like all I ever do is work. Work. Work. And then work a little bit more. All so I can barely make ends meet. To what end? I’d prefer to enjoy my life and not be so worn thin and tired after working 50-60 hours a week to enjoy what little time I do have off.

So, yeah, how to do I get to there from here? I guess that’s the ultimate question. Until I get a definitive answer, I’m thinking the only thing I really can do at this point is to take one small step each day. Maybe do one small thing that brings me some measure of joy. Then pray it will be enough.

Well, the sugar-fast went. Try as I might, I slipped right off that bandwagon a few weeks ago and though I did look back, I simply haven’t climbed back on. Mind, I haven’t been horrible about it–as in I haven’t been mainlining sugar or anything–I just haven’t made the conscious effort to see how much sugar is in anything I eat.

I need to though. I caught a glimpse of my arm-fat in the mirror as I was combing my hair last night and winced. It’s truly a horrible sight to see, especially when less than a year ago, I had some lovely svelte and sculpted arms.

So, beginning on Monday, I’m going to get stricter about the sugar consumption. Also, about the processed food consumption, too.

Since I started working–in the outside world–I’ve learned a few things: working retail truly does suck ass. Also, I now believe everyone should be forced to work retail for at least one month of their lives.

In retail, you start to understand the various types of people there are in this world. There are caring people, careless people, clueless people, hopeless people, dishonest people, and people who just seem like they have all their shit together and it makes you hate them all that much more.

I watch the people as they browse the store. I pay attention to their mannerisms, how they look at things, move things, put them back (or don’t), and then I move in for the next phase, I talk to them. How they respond (or don’t) tells me loads about their character. It’s also helpful in learning how to judge a person’s character before making contact.

But more than that, it’s also a humbling experience. It’s a reminder that we’re all human beings deserving of unconditional respect regardless of race, gender, or even biases. (That last one is difficult to say considering the amounts of bigoted people I’ve also met and stories I’ve heard.) Now, if everyone in the world were to work retail, for at least a month, I believe it would make the world a far more caring and thoughtful place. (Unless, of course, you’re a determined sociopath.)

Lately, I’ve been thinking more about the direction my life is taking. Is it where I want it to go? If not, how do I course correct? The latter question is more difficult because I’m in my mid-thirties now. It feels like it’s simply too late to do anything of import.

But, despite that, I want to change. (Oh goodness, just thinking that thought makes me tired. It seems like my entire life has been one long cycle of wanting to change, but not.) I want something better. What that something is still remains to be seen. For the most part, I’ve just been trying to find the least horrible life path…and failing miserably.

So, for now, all I can do is keep doing. Find a reason to press forward. Find a reason to wake up in the morning. (Scary thought, two days ago, I had the weirdest thought upon waking–in turns hilarious and frightening: If my house were clean, there’s a good chance I’d just press the permanent reset button. Not that I actually would, mind.) But most of all, I need to keep exploring.

Something–a small voice in the back of my head maybe–keeps telling me that as long as I’m exploring all the wonders of the world around me, there’s a good chance I’ll land on something that will stick. I just hope it doesn’t happen too late. For crying out loud, I’d like to have a family before my uterus becomes a wasteland. And for that to happen, I need to stumble upon someone I truly care about and trust. (Nope, I don’t plan to take the single mommy-select-a-dad route, not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not the proper choice for me.)

Bah. Today my mind is just all over the place. Time to go meditate for a minute.

Well. When I think back on my life, I realize I’ve had many restarts. At least three. I can tell because it usually involved some major life change as a result.

About two years ago, I had another restart. It involved letting go of my old business because it wasn’t satisfying me and as a result, I’d started to let it die. It also involved setting a new route for myself: cutting back on a lot of things, getting a new job, and making (and sticking to) a new plan.

For the past two years, I figured things had been going well. I’d saved a small cushion and planned to invest it in the next phase of my life. Unfortunately, life had other plans for it.

People. Always mark 0 exemptions on your taxes. No, really. Even if you can legitimately claim an exemption, or several, just don’t do it. Do. Not. Do. It.

Although I could legitimately claim a single exemption on my taxes, it came back to bite me on the ass because my income skyrocketed from one year to the next and, apparently, Uncle Sam wants his fair share, which my employer didn’t withhold. And Uncle Sam, by the way, believes my entire cushion, plus some, is his fair share.

So, here I sit starting back from zero. Not even zero. Negative. I’m starting from negative numbers. Yep, some of the shit life throws at you can make you want to punch life in the throat. But the only thing you can do is, do.