My life ended up so fucked.
OK. It’s not totally fucked, but I’m nowhere near where I envisioned myself being at this age. Not even within the same relative vicinity.
To make things a little bit worse, I logged into Facebook after being off of it for little more than a year only to see the happiness and success of everyone from my distant past.
Not that I’m mad at them or their success (a portion of me, deep down somewhere, is actually elated for them), but I wonder what happened to my own success. It feels as though my life has been one sad series of struggles from one moment to the next.
Where is my “this time last year I thought my life was over and was about to throw myself over a cliff, but between then and now, miracles and manifestations happened and now I’m living the dream” moment? Can life really change so vastly in only a year?
Of course it can. I know that. I guess, for me, what I’m wondering is why my own hasn’t. Maybe I’m not taking the necessary steps, despite thinking I am. I work hard, try to save hard (except the tax man and our slowly dying government aren’t really helping), and have been working on my personal self improvement. But…stagnation.
And as each day passes, it feels like all I ever do is work. Work. Work. And then work a little bit more. All so I can barely make ends meet. To what end? I’d prefer to enjoy my life and not be so worn thin and tired after working 50-60 hours a week to enjoy what little time I do have off.
So, yeah, how to do I get to there from here? I guess that’s the ultimate question. Until I get a definitive answer, I’m thinking the only thing I really can do at this point is to take one small step each day. Maybe do one small thing that brings me some measure of joy. Then pray it will be enough.